what the head thinks, the hand puts down

Hit the panic button

Well, the names mentioned here are not real names. If the people involved actually found this, I will be chopped to pieces and fed to the vultures and the rest of me cremated. For anyone with a problem, fuck yourself.

So, on one depressed evening I met my girl, Joey. Actually, she was the depressed one. See Joey has a medical condition called nymphomania or something of the sort. i take it as a curse kinda. This girl has craaazy hormones. Coitus is her air and I am for real. Girl can’t stay without it. Anyway, so this day she calls me up and she is almost in tears. I rush to the rescue and get her in a bar as usual.

Problem is, her so called boyfriend could only muster one round, as in msee alimwaga once na ikaisha. Kama kuku. She wanted a second one but the guy was out. Ha! I almost choked with laughter. She was clearly distraught. I could see crocodile tears. Hehee

So I bought her a double and gave her a hug. If I had a penis I would have given it to her in the loos or some dark corner in that pub.

I wasn’t in such a good state myself. My hormones were crazy but not to the point of running my brain. Now, two things happened, No. 1 I called my b/f JK and for some reason communication ilikuwa down kama slippers za lodging. Ok. So I’m getting none tonight, I thought. No. 2 I received a text from my ex. The only man I always knew would father my kids. His news, “I am now a daddy!!!” he sounded sooo excited it made me nauseous.

“Boss, bring us some tequila…” 

1 tequila, 2 tequila ….

We decided to change locations. Uptown we went.

Now I and Joey had been joking about one day having a threesome just for fun. It was an overplayed joke but on this particular night, it seemed feasible. Calls were made and we settled on one male. He is sexy and all that plus the two had banged each other a couple of times. He is great, I was assured.

We enter his house and as usual I rush to the kitchen for food. A girl has to eat. I am in the kitchen and the sound track is moans. The two couldn’t just wait. They had to maul each other first. So, after round one, Joey blacks out and the guy emerges to the kitchen to sample my food drunken mixture.

He is naked. Ok, nice piece you have there. We sit, eat and retire to the room.

See, me and sex are not soo close. We love each other when we are apart but hate each other when we meet.

Joey wakes up and she looks soo excited. I am mortified. I know I have seen this in movies and shit but damn, I can’t hack it in real life. *panic button* the voices in my head go on…”she can’t touch me I’m not gay….he can’t see me naked, that’s only for JK…is that penis meant to go in the both of us….can it fit….who goes first ama it’s both at once……are there condoms…..”.


February 26, 2011 - Posted by | men, women

No comments yet.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: