what the head thinks, the hand puts down


Yesterday I was walking home and I saw this guy pee on a car tyre. Just like a dog and it brought back a memory.

I was with my pal, Solo and we decided to have a couple of drinks. It was a random Friday and our location,  CBD. So we sat and had not many, just about 4 bottles each. true to our Nairobi selves, we decided to change clubs. Out we walked. Now, I have no idea why this always happens but why is it every time you leave a club, two minutes later, your bladder is bursting??? As you figure that out, I go on.

Solz bladder had him going crazy. Now, there were no near pubs (i wonder why there are none in that street?),  no public toilets and the town clerk had decided to cut down all bushes and trees. so no available peeing space. The next best thing was a car tyre. so we walked to a street with very few people and found a car standing solitary. Niice.

Solz unzipped and started doing his thing on the back trye.  After 100 drops, we hear: “wewe, mbona unakojolea gari yangu?”  a looooud rough and totally pissed off tone.

Now alcoholically thinking, this can’t be the owner of the car. He was some guy, a distance off walking casually staggering towards us in open shoes, so I mean how can you take that seriously?? therefore,  Solz went on. This time doing it slowly revelling in the joy of relief.

“ahhh…. this feels great,” he mumbled to himself

the guy got closer “I am asking, why are you peeing on my car??” he bellowed

“ahhh Bosss.. hii ni gari yako kweli? ” Solz cheekily asks and starts whistling away

So the guy, let’s call him Dude, finally reaches us and  disarms the car to put stuff in. fcuuuuuuk!! he is the owner. this was the reality that hit Solz  in welll… let’s give it 13 seconds.

“ummm.. it’s just pee na ni kwa tyre si ati ni kwa body” Solz replied visibly shaken moving aside, even forgetting to aim and also the fact we are in the street.

Solz….no one needs to see your weenie. ok you lucky it’s dark and you are navy blue. but still!! Darn I wish I had night vision goggles. They would have come in handy.

Now at that point, he was halfway in his relief  so he couldn’t stop. Dude nears him and Solz starts playing “catch me” from one tyre to another.

dude: ” Malaya wewe! mbona unakojolea gari yangu”

solz: pole, aki sikujua ni yako. na nakojolea tyre peke yake

So he is running around the car.We all know men can’t multitask.  He is trying to run away, pee and keep his dik from getting hurt or scratched by the zip. As we say in twitterworld… #FAIL that ain’t possible honey.

As a result, it looked like he was trying to doodle on the car with his urine.

dude: what is wrong with you. stupid idiot. how would you feel if you found    me doing the same on your car

solz: kama ni gari yangu, i would understand. this is natural

(he is on tyre number 3)

dude: kumbaff we.. ati unasema ? ? !!

solz: aki.. woiye. unajua mtu akiskia mkojo ni lazima itoke

dude: #$%^^ (i had no clue what he said)

solz: pole boss.. if you want, I can take it to the car wash and get it cleaned kama hiyo ni shida yako.

(Solz is now at the front near me) ARRGHHH>>> I wish I could see better. and why is the lighting sooo dim?? am trying to stay focussed. this is my only chance to have a glimpse.a little to the left Solz… common and be a sport.

dude: imbecile! do i look like money is my problem??? shida yangu ni watu kama nyinyi… who go doing such things being disrespectful to peoples property…………….

(ok now Solz pee is over)

i have no clue how he zipped up but i just saw the boy ruuuun. definitely not like Usain.pleaase Solz has what he calls the perfect sex tank, or 24 pack.plus he is a midget so his sprint was a mere jog to me… and off we went leaving Dude ranting on morals. and yes, we made it to the next bar composed and had some more

Hope Solz never sees this because I will have a whole lot of explaining to do.


February 16, 2010 - Posted by | men, nightlife


  1. Hilarious….never to be made up at all.

    Comment by Chiira | March 12, 2010 | Reply

  2. don’t let your curiosity to peep Solz’s dong lead you to sexing him coz you’ll lose a great drinking buddy…take it from someone who’s been there…


    Comment by bella | March 11, 2010 | Reply

    • never. i hate midgets especially those with big bellies. yuk!

      Comment by mwiks | March 11, 2010 | Reply

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