what the head thinks, the hand puts down

the ladies

We have all gone to a club once or twice. others almost everyday. for whatever reason it is, one has had to go to the washrooms.
Now, am a frequent visitor to clubs. Be it wherever, uptown, downtown or even the locals. I love my drink good company. So am there quite often. For those of you males who have had female company, ever wondered why the women take sooooo long in the washrooms? Well, i will give it to you.
The female washroom is another world. Quite a tiny one in that respect with all sorts of inhabitants. Let me list some species them for you:

1. make-up girl
This one is always there. She is the one you see first at the sink. This girl will always have all her make-up kit sprawled over whatever available space there is. She will then go ahead and apply like she is in her house; eye-pencil, eyeliner, lipstick, shadows, name it. She will then take out numerous combs to brush down her lovely loong horsehair locks. Next she will take time and look at her outfit all over again in the mirror. yes, it makes your ass look big and it doesn’t suit you. Finally, she will pack up her junk kit and leave after spraying on some stinky shit she will call perfume.

2. Phone Girl
She is always screaming at her phone. First, the washroom is not that noisy but she will still scream at it. She is always explaining where she is, who she is with, how the place is kicking or boring and all those other details. And trust me, she always has airtime cos the calls are looong

3. Tear girl and friend
These two are always in a corner. Tear girl is either standing or squatting crying her eyes out and wailing. It’s always about some male. She has either caught him cheating, he has left her or one of those things dumb men do in clubs. The friend is always looking bored but trying to console tear girl by telling her how much of an arse the guy is.

4. Gossips
These are always in groups. They stand all over and start talking about other people. Most probably the company they are with. They usually hate a lot. Total bitches and will insult the people in question. Statements will include “she is such a whore. don’t let her near your man”, “who does that guy think he is…….” “rubbish…rubbish…rubbish” get yourselves lives.

5. The Inebriated
This one is my favorite. She will ram through the door, stagger to the nearest loo and open without a knock. Should there be anyone, she will go on to the next one. She has no respect for the queues and will barge in the next available loo as she pleases. She will barely lock the door. Good thing is, she is super fast, in-out just like a cock does its thing but problem is, she will come out with her pants still down. Now she starts the exercise of pulling them on. jump up, down, up down. The panty if any is never paid attention to. once the pant is up, she will close the zipper and out she staggers once more.

6. The Normals
These are like me. We enter cautiously and wait in line. Don’t even bother looking for tissue cos make-up girl has used it to wipe the mud off her shoes girl, kwani umetoka kwa shamba? as usual, we will open up our belts and zippers in anticipation for relief. As we stand in line, we exchange smiles and more often than not, start dancing to the music outside to try and keep it in all in one motion. It looks like an aerobics class. But even as we do all this, remember never to be nice or you will never get your chance in. Be alert and a bitch and you will be out of there as quick as possible.

Yep, those are the most common. They are all stuffed together in a cubicle that is more like the Kenyan jails we have. All battling for the two holes for relief.
So, if the female company you have takes ages in the loo, always know she stood in line, got overtaken by the inebriated girl, couldn’t find space to wash her hands as make-up girl was at work; and if she comes looking irritated now you know why.


February 12, 2010 - Posted by | Uncategorized

1 Comment »

  1. lovely observation…i seent this too…don’t ask what i was doing in the girls’ bathroom….you forgot one though…the druggies…they come into the loo in a pair and check into the same stall….inside the stall they do lines of cocaine…then come out trying to act normal….saw this at the voo….


    Comment by bella | March 11, 2010 | Reply

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