what the head thinks, the hand puts down

Hit the panic button

Well, the names mentioned here are not real names. If the people involved actually found this, I will be chopped to pieces and fed to the vultures and the rest of me cremated. For anyone with a problem, fuck yourself.

So, on one depressed evening I met my girl, Joey. Actually, she was the depressed one. See Joey has a medical condition called nymphomania or something of the sort. i take it as a curse kinda. This girl has craaazy hormones. Coitus is her air and I am for real. Girl can’t stay without it. Anyway, so this day she calls me up and she is almost in tears. I rush to the rescue and get her in a bar as usual.

Problem is, her so called boyfriend could only muster one round, as in msee alimwaga once na ikaisha. Kama kuku. She wanted a second one but the guy was out. Ha! I almost choked with laughter. She was clearly distraught. I could see crocodile tears. Hehee

So I bought her a double and gave her a hug. If I had a penis I would have given it to her in the loos or some dark corner in that pub.

I wasn’t in such a good state myself. My hormones were crazy but not to the point of running my brain. Now, two things happened, No. 1 I called my b/f JK and for some reason communication ilikuwa down kama slippers za lodging. Ok. So I’m getting none tonight, I thought. No. 2 I received a text from my ex. The only man I always knew would father my kids. His news, “I am now a daddy!!!” he sounded sooo excited it made me nauseous.

“Boss, bring us some tequila…” 

1 tequila, 2 tequila ….

We decided to change locations. Uptown we went.

Now I and Joey had been joking about one day having a threesome just for fun. It was an overplayed joke but on this particular night, it seemed feasible. Calls were made and we settled on one male. He is sexy and all that plus the two had banged each other a couple of times. He is great, I was assured.

We enter his house and as usual I rush to the kitchen for food. A girl has to eat. I am in the kitchen and the sound track is moans. The two couldn’t just wait. They had to maul each other first. So, after round one, Joey blacks out and the guy emerges to the kitchen to sample my food drunken mixture.

He is naked. Ok, nice piece you have there. We sit, eat and retire to the room.

See, me and sex are not soo close. We love each other when we are apart but hate each other when we meet.

Joey wakes up and she looks soo excited. I am mortified. I know I have seen this in movies and shit but damn, I can’t hack it in real life. *panic button* the voices in my head go on…”she can’t touch me I’m not gay….he can’t see me naked, that’s only for JK…is that penis meant to go in the both of us….can it fit….who goes first ama it’s both at once……are there condoms…..”.


February 26, 2011 Posted by | men, women | Leave a comment

let’s meet

Lets meet; then sit
And talk; then walk
then agree; and dis agree
Your the man; am the woman
Opposites attract; Hormones react
You miss a step; am there to help
You fall in my palms; I lead you into my arms
Whisper sweet nothings; Giving your lips bitings
Nibbling your ear; Hoping you can hear
am born to lie


I am staring at that pretty face
trying to regulate my pace
breathless; clueless
give me; hit me
i want more; you want to go
am lying down whining; you are looking away smiling
You are hiding; am peeping

Now my food has gone cold
Why did I even warm it all?
You are lying naked; Am exhausted
memories flash
its all complicated but simple; like that cute dimple
you are dressing up: am cleaning up

I look up at you: and fall back into the sack
praying the sex will haunt you; and bring you back

Its not over yet
there is always another day, another time
When you think its over and stop,
I will roll over and we begin from the top

February 22, 2011 Posted by | poem, Uncategorized | Leave a comment

how long?

Some months back, I recall trooping into a vehicle and heading down to Kerugoya. Not for a road trip, but to bury a close ally. She had left us as they put it. The cause: HIV. Now, this is not something people say out loud. They are scared to, think of it as a curse. I have to admit, it is scary but its amongst us. Literally lives with us.

Let me spin a little tale. Now, this woman, my friend, was a single mom. Four kids from four different fathers. I kinda saw the disease taking toll on her. From the TB to the herpes and skin lesions. I knew she wouldn’t last long. And she didn’t.  let’s call her Leah

During a bar run with other friends we sit and reminisce Leah. Her days, her life. You know, the usual thing friends do. That’s when the list came out. Slowly names were being dropped and now the puzzle came together.

I will backtrack a bit. When Leah was hospitalized and it was evident what was ailing her, very few people went to see her in hospital. The funeral was no different either. Not everyone showed up.

Back to the bar – so names were dropped.. she had shared a bed, a ditch, a loo.. etc with many a man. See, Leah used to love the bottle. Tusker Malt was her drink of choice. Though once she became slightly inebriated, morals were thrown out. Loose is the term, or should I say seriously horny. At a point, she would have three guys all over her; fingers, penises… name it. i think you can figure out where they all fit . women have many holes. More than meets the eye. This is how she popped all those kids. bastards.

Going through that list made me choke and send tears to my eyes. I knew almost all. The circle of swapping body fluids was huuuge. Now, I cannot be a judge. I really don’t know who used protection or not so I could only hope none of them went at it raw.

The day ended.

3 months down the line. Two of those people in the circle are on ARV’s. How long before I pour soil on another grave????

February 22, 2011 Posted by | men, women | Leave a comment